Just Wait and SEE

ticktockticktock.
time is slipping out of my hands as i am idling and typing this away,
but i think that it is worth it.
Whether people read it or not, this web is a place for me to type all my feelings and everything.
well, i have a confession to make.


i haven't been doing well for my prelims.
i barely passed most subjects and to be honest, i am disappointed.
when my parents asked questions whether it is out of concern or out of curiousity,
i always try to avoid it
or sometimes, i just give them a brief reply and try to act nonchalant about it.
but honestly i am not deep down.


deep down, i am desperately trying to avoid studies.
i am scared.
i am scared that what if i studied and things still won't go well?
what if i tried and it turns out i am trying too hard?
many questions are racing through my mind.
so everytime i think about it, i just get to vexed and i couldn't do anything.
which subject should i start first?
what if i forget what i studied on that very day?
will hardcore studying work?
is it too late now?
everytime when i sit infront of the computer , at times, such questions will flash in my mind, just like a subconscious mind reminding me.
but at that time, i will just brush it and and ignore it or avoid it like i always do.
yes, i am a coward.
so what?


i am someone who cannot stay doing one thing for a very long time, i get sick of things easily and new things always appeals to me.
i am forever busy.
you can say that i am actually a jack of all trades
but people seemed to forget the second part,
they are masters of none.
sad huh?
at first, they might be the ones that shines out the most and excel in it,
but evertually, people to worked hard and have real interest in it will outshine them and by then, they will have to source for new interests
and the whole cycle repeats.


For once i want to get out of that group,
i want to have my own interests and develope it
so that is probably why i am so distracted, all the time, all i could think is that i want to do this after this and i never seemed to really care about the present
and sadly i can see myself squating in one small corner of the room and crying my heart out just because i didn't admit this earlier.
so yes, i did.
i want to set things right
to proceed with all my plans.
first, i need to get through this thick wall called O levels after that i will have some free time and i will be free.
I can't wait for it.
if the price to pay for some awesome free time without regrets is just 1 month of studying,
i am in for it.


tatas! :)