Smile

 Hello, i am posting this just in case it might become my last post when school starts.
Today, i just remembered that when i was young, how easily satisfied i was.
I could just swing the swing at the playground for hours and not get bored of it.
I could spend the whole day looking at the clouds and forming different shapes and images as they passed without complaining.
I could talk to friends or my sisters for hours and hours and not runout of topics.'
And those are what i really enjoy.
Nowadays, i realised, in the past, how i cherished the monents i could eat Mcdonalds or KFC.
How i enjoy helping my mother or family members to do chores, without groaning.
How i could sit beside my sister and watch whatever she is doing with the one and only computer we have in our house.
But now, it is totally different. I eat fast food whenever i like.
I groan and whine when someone asks me to do chores.
I negotiate with my sister to fight for extra time on the computer. ( which issn't really happening anymore since i have got my laptop and she bought herself a iphone)


Simplicity really rocks. i love simple things.
but as we get older, we are expected to do more things and more complicated things.
no more simple things for us.
I just cannot figure out why,
in the past, i nearly have nothing but i did not complain or anything.Everything is neutral. And in fact, because i have nothing, i appreciate everything given to me.
but now that i have alot of things, i  complained, get bored, and things given to me are treated as though they are given for granted.
why?
I guess it is just because i got greedy. When better and better things are given to me, i forgot, i forgot to feel contented.
We shd be contented. Even with all these high technology and iphones and such, it still doesn't make me feel satisfied like i did in the past.
why?
I guess it is because i love smiles.
with all these technology, we become more and more IT savvy, people communicate through internet.
I don't know why, but the ":)" used by many seems fake to me.Well, for some.
I do use it too.
But i prefer seeing the facial expression, the smile on the face.
The smile what makes your heart feel warm and want to smile back too.
I miss those smiles.
So everyone, let's smile more! :D


Anws, i have some friends feeling depressed, be it relationship problems, or because school is about to start and you don't have friends, or you are in the course you hate, blah blah.
Just cheer up! Just try, try to think in a more positive light or something.
Really, i smsed my friends the day they went for orientation camp.

To make friends, the first step is to put down your phones.

Stop looking at your phones and try to talk to people. Just try. It won't hurt to try.
It may start off awkward, but who knows what will happen if you won't try?
well, i may not be a pro at making friends, but at least i tried, and am still trying.
yeah. good luck to my friends and really, stay in contact with me ah!
tatats! :D

Friends

 

Friends.

Tomorrow will be BAOC, well, I felt a need to post this, before tomorrow comes.

Taking the first step is forever hard, but once you overcome the first step, everything will be ok.

Tomorrow i am taking my first step.

It is not like i have not made friends before,

but if i recalled correctly, the last time i made friends alone is in primary 1.

I remember clearly, when my mum turned her back towards me and was about to make her way home on my first day in school, i was holding back tears.

Call me a cry baby or emotional person, i mean, seriously, i hate being alone and helpless.

And that  time, i was rather lucky, there was this girl beside me, i remembered her name, Jessy.

Omg, thank god she was extremely kind and consoled me when i waved my mum goodbye as though it is the last time i will see her like a drama queen.

Yeah, and i guess she was my first friend without any help i guess.

In kindergarten, i guess buddies and friends are assigned so yeah, i don't really have the need to make friends you know. It was about the same in primary 1.

With the help of those friends, i made more friends and the chain continues.

So this time, going for BAOC is about the same as the time in primary one, 

Except that this time, i will have to be mature enough to overcome this myself, without any drama, i hope.

To some people who actually reads this, you might be thinking, like oh come on, how hard is making new friends?

Well, different people find different things difficult.

For example i may find reading simple, but for some people, it is hell.

Well i did mentioned before that i am jack of all trades but master of none, so yeah, i just barely know everything on the surface. hahah!

ok i guess i am going a little off topic here.

So, tomorrow i will be meeting new friends, and putting on polite smiles. 

I won't call it fake, since really, what is fake? Behind all fakes, there should be some truth right?

I will just be myself, and act myself, prolly with some restrains here and there, but yeah, definitely not fake.

If i act fake, all i will get will be fake friends.

You reap what you sow eh?

If i didn't get to make any friends tomorrow, i want to remind myself that i still have friends.

it is not that i have no friends to start with.

I HAVE friends. And seriously, friends will always stay friends, it just depends on the way you treat it.

If you find that the new friends you made need more attention and neglect the friends you alrdy have, drifting apart is what you get huh?

But if you treat those new and old friendships preciously, then no matter what, it will not change.

For example, daphne might have gone off to scgs, but zoey and i are still her friend, we still hang out to chill and stuff.

So, yeah, if my friends are reading this, i love you guys loads! Please stay in contact!!

 Let's meet up once a year or something, and if i really lost my mind and drift off from you guys in the future, i apologise in advance and thank you, thank you for being my friend!

And surely, if we were once friends, even if we drifted apart, we won't be that far! JUST CONNECT BACK CAN ALRDY! If i notice that we are drifting apart i will thick-skinned-ly comment on fb, or sms you randomly! LOL!

I just cannot accept people thinking that it is fine to make new ones and forget the old ones.

Seriously, every friendship is precious. I wouldn't want to lose them.

Drift apart or not, for me, as long as we were once friends, i will still smile when i greet you! 

Unless you did something terribly wrong or you ignored meeeeeeee! Then thats another story. LOL!

yeah, so friends who are reading this, thanks, i love you loads, and please stay in contact with me!

Though i might appear cold or have cold replies, but seriously, i suck at sms, try fb-ing me! LOL

Please don't delete my contact to make space for new ones!!! GAHHHH! I WILL KILL YOUUUUUU! D:

Yeah, i realised how cheesy i am in this post. Just gimme a hole to jump into now.

tatas!

Sick

Yes, i am sick :(
there is always times where you are sick and you want people to know so that they can just frown a little and say"Aw, get well soon!" and be pampered~
hahah! i am a attention sicker! :D
it wasn't anywhere near serious,
i went out with mild fever and miraculously return without it, hope it is not cause i have passed it on to some poor unfortunate soul~ LOL
yeah it is cause by sore thorat which is still persistantly present, and followed up with cough.
i have no idea how to describe how painful it is to cough with a sore thorat.
yikes. but apart from those, i am fine~ :D


school is starting soon, and my orientation camp is just about 1 week away.
weeeeee!
i am not gonna go all gloomy again about making new friends again.
i mean seriously, if this all mighty gemini cannot make friends, the others shan't! LOL
I can't really talk now, if i talk my voice kind of sounds like the goblin or something that mumbles "MY PRECIOUS!" in Lord of the ring.
so yeah, no talking~


i have been pondering and yeah, i finally thought of something that makes poly better than jc,
whcih is exactly why i chose poly, i can't believe i've forgotten it!
it is that, whatever i will learn in poly with be finally something that seems more directly applicable to real life compared to the same old math,history and others learnt in JCs.
i want to learn skills that i can apply in life, more directly.
sitting on the chair and reading from the textbook, and doing worksheets are too boring.
though i am aware that in poly, we do have lectures and assignments to do,
but it will not be something i can do just from memorising stuff,
some something that i have to understand and apply in my own way.
yeah. makes things more interesting.
thats all i am gonna say today~
tatas!

Words

Ok yeah, call me over self-conscious or something.
But i just read through a few of my past posts and i realised that my language usage in the past is much much more fluid than my present.
Guess the past few months of idling at home have finally done some damage to my brain.
Time to brush up on my vocabulary!
I wouldn't want my new coursemates to label me as someone with limited vocabulary that only knows how to use simple words, such as "awesome"
However, i do find simple words a more direct way to express myself better.
i guess i will stick to comfort.
Whichever is more comfortable~


Speaking of words,
i often believe the chinese phrase of 祸从口出
meaning, whatever you said, may be the cause of your troubles/problems.
ok bullshit. ignore me and go google the exact definition yourself if you are really curious.
i am pretty lousy at explaining and expressing myself.
Got to improve on that too.. O_O...


short post!
tatas!

Changes

Well, If you have noticed, i have changed my blogskin! ^^
and i have started to blog again, since my previous post is like, almost 1 month ago! 
Hahah! i haven't been doing much, probably the reason behind my lack of posts,
too guilty for idling my time away~ :P


So for a start, i changed my blogskin! :D
Well, actually, apart from blogskin, actually i have been making changes to my life too.
 i mean, there are changes in my life now.
Well, each choice leads to a whole new opportunity and brings in changes.
But sometimes, there are just too much changes for some people to accept.
By some people, please include me, yours truly here. LOL


I think my last post stopped some where about me working?
Ok, i have got my O lvls results, and it is kind of not bad :)
At least i am satisfied with it...~ :D
Even though i got rejected by my first choice ( which is international business in NP btw...)
but i managed to get into my second choice.
If given a second chance, i would still put business studies as my second choice. So yeah, no regrets. :)
For my dear friends who are actually regretting that you didn't put JC or other courses,
all i could say is just give it a try man! Give it a chance, a chance to convince you to develop even just 5% of interest. i might eventually accumulate and TADA! the perfect choice in your life! :D
To change a crisis into a opportunity. (HAHAHHA! YEAH! my words of wisdom! spending weeks to watch about 200 episodes of pokemon is totally worth it!!^^)


Which actually brings me back to changes again.
So far, i am coping well... but i am still scared.
Everyone in poly seems to be very enthusiastic about hanging out and playing together, which is cool, but i am not very confident about my social skills.
I am those kind that don't take the initiative to introduce myself unless necessary. I don't really like to stand out..thats what i mean.
i hope i won't be the spoilsport during orientation :/
I need to expand my social circle man!!!
Another thing i am scared if is actually making new friends.
Well, since i have friends i knew from primary school to hang out with in secondary school, i am pretty much hanging out with just the same few friends i have.
So stepping into a completely new environment without any of my friends in the same course as me kind of makes me all jittery.
the friends i make is gonna be my important project mates so i better muster all my guts and make a few friends!!!!


Hahah! this post is getting kind of long, so i shall end here.
Btw, i also wish my dear friends who are separated from me all the best!!!
well, at least i could say that i am actually coping quite well with these changes somehow better than them..
If my friends are reading this, you are not alone, and lets try to enjoy ourselves!! ^^
And whereever your are, lets stay friends foreverrrrrrr! 
TATAS! :)


P/s: Just let me show off a little, i got myself a lenovo laptop! WOOHOO! :3

Tea Break

Well, i have been working from 27 nov till 22 jan,
and at home from 22 jan till now.
honestly, people might think, " WOAH, Shui, free time!"
but seriously, remember those days you are in school?
during holidays, you will kind of miss your friends and even the dreadful feeling of waiting for the bell to ring?
well, what i am currently feeling now is kind of worse..
you see, during holidays, you have homeworks, projects, ccas or even small little gatherings with your friends and the time passes faster,
but now, i have none of those and the boredom is killing me.
and rose still, i have no job -_-
most of the people i asked are looking for people who are able to work for long term,
so yeah, no chance for me :(


what brings me to think so much,
i was watching drama/variety show like always and just as the show ended, a sudden surge of emptiness enveloped me.
i recalled what i have been doing from 22 jan,
well, apart from visitings,
i have been at home all day, infront of the computer or on the bed.
and i recalled the plans i have made before O lvls ended,
how i looked forward to learning japanese, korean, piano, more songs,
but i am still here.
nothing done.
i have even want to do spring cleaning and stuff,
but yeah,
still nothing done.
so i feel kind of lost now,
i have nothing to do,
my friends are either busy with school or work,
and i am kind of losing contact with them...


honestly, i have no confidence in making new friends in poly, i am not a very sociable person,
to me, it takes me months or even years to find someone i am comfortable with.
all my friends are going to different courses, and those friends are those who have been by my side for years, and to really count, i have not make much new friends over the years,
i tend to stick with my friends, and yeah so that makes me hard to talk to,
so going into poly without any of those friends there for me makes me insecure.
but well, i guess i have to try, maybe i will make some awesome friends :)
but thats also anothe rof my fear, to make new friends and forget my old ones.
i fear that on my wedding day, or even birthday, i will be smiling and laughing with my new friends and did not even invite my old ones.
relationship is a delicate thing, probably the fact that i have not even try to love someone is because my hands are already full with handling friendships, whats more love?
by the way, if my friends if any chance, are reading this already kind of abandoned blog,
thanks for being my friend :)


ahh~, gonna start with spring cleaning first.
tatas :D

Fear

Seriously, i am not sure why,
maybe because i have just read daphne's post, or because christmas is drawing near,
which means 9-11jan is getting near too.
idk,
i guess i am someone with constant worries, i guess if you make me stay at home, i will go berserk.
Really.


The wait for the results is just too too nerve wrecking.
i wonder if i will hyperventilate on the resukt day itself.
Hope not.
i don't know, if i am left alone,
i will let my mind go wild,
and these few days, the constant anxious feeling for the results is making me develop butterflies in the stomach.
however, unlike daphne, i have no cofidence of saying that i think everything is ok,
see, that is probably one of the reasons for more fear,
i can't even say that the tests are ok.
that is something not ok.
i start to fear that what is they are especially strict this year,
and all my english tenses are corrected to the core,
i start to worry if i have made alot of careless mistakes for maths
i start to worry that my inferences maybe wrong for ss and history,
i start to worry that i might be overconfident for POA, the subject i have the highest faith in.
i start to worry if such simple questions for biology might actually be more deep,
just that we took it too easily.
i start to worry if i gave stupid answers for chemistry, and if i have gave proper terms and stuff.
i have too many things to worry.
and actually, i might actually say that i will be fine to fail 1 or 2,
esp chem and amath.
but in fact, i am not.
i want to pass them,
and want a B3/4
not a high score i guess,
but good enough to console myself.
i saw people posting about them getting best acheievement, best improvement, etc,
and i really really start to worry,
did i really work hard enough?
probably not.
but i know that it is all too late to regret,
and all i can hope is for the results to be good.


bell curve.
i fear that.
what if by right, for biology, we are supposed to get A1 but because everyone in the whole nation is doing far too welll and all my marks are pulled down by 5-10 marks?
will i cry on that day?
will typing this post here and idling my life away actually pull add on to my karma and make me have worser results?
honestly, i can't even recall what i studied,
does it shows that i have not studied enough?
what will i do if my marks are not good enough?
how will i face my parents,teachers,friends?
all this constant worrying is forcing me to stand on the edge.
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!